So what to write about. I sit all day long and although the drive is intense at times I really have nothing to do but point the big truck and think. The mind wanders often and at times you feel bummed about a missed opportunity or take stock of where you are in life.
One of the items I have pondered is regret. People always have said "do you have any regrets in life?" or "if you could do it again would you change anything?" Everyone normally will say "no, I have no regrets and would never change a thing."
To both questions I say "Hell yes!!!" I don't regret my up bringing because you are dealt and hand and you play it. I don't regret my education because I have re-invented myself a number of times and have succeeded. So what is it? My biggest regret are actually two. One is not acting on a feeling or not acting on what moves you and secondly, not telling people what they mean to me or have meant to me.
Decisions you make now will have a huge effect on you as you grow up. Yes I know you have to move on but some things are not so easy. IE
I had a younger brother Kevin who I think of often. He had MD and I knew from experience with two other brothers Larry and Garry, that he was not long for this world. In Feb of 1985 I was walking past his home and thought perhaps I should pop up and say hey. Being the greatest procrastinator on the planet I said "maybe next week" to myself. He died the next day and it still haunts me.
Being raised in a family that was on one hand destroyed by MD, and on another made strong, we were no stranger to life skills. Never had much cash, had three brothers with MD, parents who dampened there hardship with alcohol....you get the picture. I felt that with all the hardship I had endured that surely we as a family were now bullet proof and immortal....I know....give your head a shake but you have no idea how the mind works at times.
My point is that when I received a text from my sister in law stating that July 7 was my brothers birthday and it was his 60th......Wow I thought....on one hand thought she should fuck off because I have always know Freddie's birthday and on the other I thought ...holy shit 60? I had better phone Susanne before it is too late. ( she is slightly elder )
You see as I grow up...I am just 52 now you realize that we are all getting older and we need to celebrate who and what we have. If something moves you, act on it, don't put it off and get to it the next day.
So my regrets are two; not letting people know I love them and what they mean to me and and secondly, acting on a feeling......I am as I write. It is never too late.
Life is short....get on it. The end is not Nye but lets face it, it will come and no one is getting out of this alive.
Later Al
